LORD GOD, Majesty...My King

Today I have heard the Lord talking with me. From the beginning of my day when I first woke up until the moment that I began writing this blog and as I continue to write, I feel the Lord's presence in my day.

My day started off like almost any other, I woke up and checked my technology aka phone, email, facebook...the entire deal. I sent out a few messages to friends along with scrolling briefly through the feed to find out what all happened since I last checked. It was while I was doing this that I discovered that one of the guys in my theatre troupe, Richard Gomez was needed prayers about his college decision. Richard had originally planned on attending a place called the Honor Academy, but thought that Abilene Christian (my college) might be a better fit. For those of you who are not up to date on my personal opinions and likes/dislikes, Richard, though he is not my least favorite person, he is not on the top of my list by any means and many of the things that he does bugs me to no end. Him being at ACU would mean that I would have to continue to put up with him for several more years at a place that I recently deemed (which I am saying at the risk of sounding like a three year old) "mine" The worst of it, is that I don't think that he even realizes that he gets on my nerves. (Which bugs me even more.)

Anyways, soon after I found out that he might attend ACU I began having dreams that sometime in the future I would be interviewing for an internship only to find out that another intern at the particular church for the summer would be Richard. Last night, I even had a dream that I was married to Drew and we had planted a church where he was the pastor and I was the youth minister. It was several years into our church and our youth group had grown and I became pregnant. We had talked and made the decision that once I got to a certain point, we would find another youth minister to help out. In this dream I got rather angry with Drew (I think I might have even thrown several pillows at him) when I found out that he had already hired someone, Richard.

Alright, this is not a blog about Richard, but I did need to give a bit of background to explain why my action was not a norm for me. This morning I started off by looking up verses and writing a card to Richard that told him that I would be praying for him and that one of the things that he needed to consider when making his decision was where he wanted to call his church home. Silly me, I even suggested that he check out Beltway, the church that I will be attending. As he irks me, one might be able to see how this letter was an act of God and not something that I would do on my own.

The next part of my day as I went to school included good things: talking with Drew, easy work in 2nd period, laughs in the black box with Reade, dance class, finding out that I could finally fully get my right side split in dance, and being in a group with people I enjoy hanging out with! Tech theatre brought laughs and a box of every flavor jelly beans at lunch brought enjoyment to the entire table as we discovered the odd tastes of skunk spray and the delicious tastes of buttered popcorn and such. One might wonder why in a span of 30 minutes my day flipped upside down.

Algebra 2 is a downer at the best of days, but today it made me want to cry. I started missing Drew incredibly and the want to be with him for longer than a few days drove me nuts. Messages such as "I hate long distance relationships! HATE THEM" and "Its just getting to be really difficult to e here when you are there. I know it is not that much longer, but I feel like our relationship is on hold almost because I don't see you. I know that you say that relationships are not about seeing each other but knowing each other, but I feel like I am not getting to know you more. I love you so much but it is just hard right now." were sent and I felt like I was alone in a room full of people. I began journaling, writing down prayers for people that I had said that I would pray for and trying to describe the feeling that I was having. When I told Drew about it, and how I just couldn't place it, he asked me if it was a sad sort of feeling. I discovered that he was having the same feeling that I was having.

I sent out a message to some friends asking for prayers for relationships and for strength to be a servant to Christ. For the rest of the school day though, I felt this feeling of depression.

As soon as I started walking out to my car, I called Drew, wanting to talk, wanting to ease this feeling that we were both having, wanting to find out the news that he said that he had for me, a prayer he said that he thought had been answered. As I was driving home, he told me that he had been praying and that maybe God had kept an internship from him because he wasn't supposed to be doing an internship this summer. Maybe he was supposed to be at home, or be in the Sugar Land area. Nothing he said is set in stone yet, but please pray for me for this decision. I told him that I would and then for a long time we stayed on the phone, catching up and doing what short 20 minute conversations can not do, we spent time together, something that I consider to be a blessing from God, because love comes from God and we would not have love if it were not for Him.

I checked my email when I got home and received this email

"Hello. As you may know, the Lenten season begins at the end of this month on Ash Wednesday, February 25. We will be doing a series entitled “Faith Comes By Hearing”, which will focus on listening to the Word of God daily as a congregation. The pastors would like to have the Bible scripture read during the beginning of the worship services by a member. Your name was recommended by the pastors as someone who may be interested in doing this."
I immediately accepted and the verse I received was Matthew 26:17-29 which talks about the Lord's Supper at the Maundy Thursday service. I have a love/hate relationship with this service, it has always been an emotional one for me since the first time I attended. It is a service where you depart in silence and I remember having so many questions for my mom as we walked out of the bare sanctuary. I feel blessed and honored to read the scripture for this service as it is one that shows how much my Savior loves me.

My friend Jessica usually dances on Wednesday nights, but slowly seems to be drifting away from it between the rush of senior year and possibly even a weariness of it after so many years of participation. This Wednesday night though, I felt a strong urge to get her to come to youth group with me at FCYG. We have been doing a series on encountering God which I have thought to be really amazing. It fills me with joy to know what others have gone through and seen them triumphant through God's glory. Anyways, I pestered Jessica several times, asking her over and over "hey do you wanna go with me tonight?" Finally she gave in.

We follow a pattern for the most part on Wednesday nights. Hang out, announcements, worship, break out, lesson, prayer groups. This was not a normal Wednesday for me though. I have grown up in a rather conservative Methodist church where we stood, sang the hymns, sat back down. I have always been uncomfortable at even the thought of holding up my hands when I am glorifying God through singing. Tonight though, I felt the Holy Spirit moving through me and I lifted my hand up, not the least bit uncomfortable, and so natural. I felt God moving through me and closer to Him, feeling like I was doing more than just my usual worship, I was WORSHIPING! This is not to say at all that I have never WORSHIPED the Lord before, but this felt totally different than even that. I am not certain what prompted it, but it felt wonderful to glorify God in that way tonight. During some of the songs I also sat down to write down some prayers. In my journal I address God either as God, Lord, or LORD God. Tonight ink flowed through my pen, powerfully yet gracefully forming the praises LORD God, Majesty, My King. I can not ever remember I time that I have called God the names Majesty or My King of my own free will. I prayed for Him to use me for His will, to help me to submit myself fully to Him, to be my desire everyday and remind me that the only way that I could be fulfilled is through Him, through His Word, His Power, and His Grace. I asked to be able to look and find all of the ways that His power is shown in my life. As we continued to sing, I felt joy.

Some days I really need a church building. Highly ornamental and full of symbols are the ones that I look for. Don't get me wrong, I can worship anywhere, but some days, I need the building...something about the way I grew up. Tonight was one of those nights. I turned to Jessica and asked if she had a certain time that she needed to be home and upon finding out that she didn't, I asked if she would mind stopping by my church. I really need some Sanctuary time I said. Not a problem. We drove over there.

When we arrived, I set my stuff down in a pew and went up to the altar just to put my hand on it and pray. I felt an urging after just contemplation to take communion. I went to where they keep it and found what I needed and as I stared up at the cross hanging from the ceiling, I felt so small and insignificant staring up at it from the base of the altar where I was sitting. My thoughts brought me to the scripture that I will be reading in April, and I took communion as I read it, staring up at the cross and thanking God for the huge sacrifice that He made when He allowed His son to save the world from sin. The sacrifice on Jesus's part when he chose to fullfil His purpose, for it was a choice. He could have quit teaching and continued on with his life, but he chose the death given to criminals on a cross where he was tortured, mocked, and left to suffer.

While I was there I asked for forgiveness for the days that I let waste away because I don't feel like doing anything. I rememered that I am not guarenteed tomorrow and I shouldn't be taking things for granted because I do not deserve them. I felt humbled. Today, I felt like God was forceful, yet gentle with me. I tried to describe the feeling to Drew on the phone and what he said described my day perfectly. John 10:11 "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." Today, God showed me that He is my Good Shepherd.