Pondering the Future

Have you ever just sat there pondering the future? Lately it seems to be what I do most often. I wonder things that are soon to happen, things such as what grade I will receive on my chemistry test, what exams I will be exempt from, or what am I going to do this afternoon. I wonder about things in the near future, things like senior year and college applications. I wonder about what it will be like to be a college student and make all my own decisions. One of the things I wonder most is after college. Who will I marry, what will my ministry be like, where will I live, will I have children (I wonder about this one quite a bit right now, almost to the point of worrying. With my cousin having difficulties with having children along with it running in my mother's side of the family, I wait anxiously to get the test results back to know if the same disease that flows in my cousin's blood so rapidly, also flows in me. I don't want it to. I never wanted children before, unless they were adopted, but lately I have been imagining a little girl with blonde ringlets like I used to have bouncing around in a green back yard.) I wonder what I will be doing 10 years from now, will I be married when I am almost 28 years old? Do I know the person already? Have I passed them in the hallways? I wonder what it will be like to grow old. I see my parents grow older each year, when I saw my Mimi I wondered what it will be like to live without them. So many questions won't pop out of my head.

I wonder....
I wonder....
I wonder....

Wishing upon stars

I like to wish upon the stars
To seem them sparkle and shine
They are so beautiful, they make me smile I say

Do not wish upon the stars he said
for they shall bring you nothing.
They are only creations of the Lord
not God Himself. If you want something, pray about it
for prayers bring answers.
Do not wish upon the stars.
They can only twinkle and shine.

I lead my thoughts then to change
that night that I stopped wishing
My prayers flowed out, they pleaded with God.

I stop to think.
You are young you silly girl.
Live the life you know.
You are young you silly girl,
too young to think like that.
You can't possibly know what you want your future to hold.

Some days though...I do know.
I know as sure as I know my heart.

My wishes turn to prayers
I once more plead with God.

This poem is not completed here. I know the ending of it. Maybe, just maybe...one day I will share my prayer with you. Until then, it waits with God.

Flip Book Calendar

As some of you may know, I am in the possession of a flip book calendar. On every day it has a new saying or quote. I thought I would let y'all read a few that I really enjoy.


Lord, so far today I've not been grumpy, selfish, greedy, envious, proud, or angry. I'm really pleased about that. But in a few minutes now, I'm going to get up, and from then on I'll probably need a lot more help.--July 9

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.-Bob Hope--July 29


I just got lost in thought....It was unfamiliar territory.--August 5


The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.--August 26


The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mic, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mic cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"--August 31


Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.--September 11


Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.-Kimberley Broyles--September 12

Beauty that (past or present tense?)

"Here I Am To Worship"

Light of the world, You step down into darkness.

Opened my eyes let me see.

Beauty that made this heart adore you hope of a life spent with you.

[Chorus]

And here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that you're my God,

You're altogether lovely,

Altogether worthy,

Altogether wonderful to me.

King of all days,

Oh so highly exalted Glorious in heaven above.

Humbly you came to the earth you created.

All for love's sake became poor.

[Chorus]

Here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that you're my God,

You're altogether lovely,

Altogether worthy,

Altogether wonderful to me.

I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.

I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.

And I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.

No I'll never know how much it cost to se my sin upon that cross.

[Chorus]

Here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that you're my God,

You're altogether lovely,

Altogether worthy,

Altogether wonderful to me.

So Here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that you're my God,

_____________________________________________________________

We were singing this song in church on Sunday and I actually looked at the screen and realized that I had been singing it incorrectly. I said "beauty that makes" as opposed to "beauty that made." I always thought that "makes" would make more sense. Shouldnt we always have our hearts adoring God. Do we only see things once, then they never effect us again? Am I the only one that is bugged by it saying "beauty that made this heart adore you"? To me that just sounds like it made you adore God in the past, not now. I think it would be better to say "beauty that makes". I don't know about y'all, but I continue to see beauty that always makes me adore God. It is there in the sunsets, the stars, the sun, the grass...it is all over! Anyways...thats my thought!

Feeling Alone

Have you ever felt alone in this world? When you really need someone to be there...or you need things to change, but you know that if they were to change, your life would have been so different and you would not know if you would have liked the person that you might have become had your life not changed drastically. Every one of those things in my life add up to my freshman year in high school. So much happened that year...I wonder how I would have been different. What type of person would I be? What would I have done? Everything that I did do...I can't get it out of my head. Amazing how that works...isnt it? I guess I do regret some things. This entry isn't about that though. This is about the seniors at my church. The class of 2008. The graduates. The confirmation class of 2004....My confirmation class.

Tonight...the night of the senior dinner at the church...the seniors are graduating. I won't be with them. I guess I do have regrets, though I wish that I did not. I regret alot of things, things that all lead up to this night.

Calvary Episcopal School-8th grade

"If she doesnt start doing the work, she will not pass 8th grade."
"Why can't she be more like Rob?"
"Come on Carole-Marie, just do the work, it's not that difficult."
"I don't want to be Rob, I know the work isn't difficult, why won't yall just give me a break?"
"How would you feel about being homeschooled with Mrs. Elder?"
"Will anyone miss me once I leave? If I just go away one day and don't come back?"

Gateway Preparatory School-8th, 9th, 10th grade (for the first time)

"With our program you will be doing college courses by the time you are 16 years old."
"You dont get a summer. You can finish half of a grade in that time."
"Because you did not finish the lesson for today, you don't get to go to the dance tonight."
"My system is uncheatable!" - "Then how did I cheat it?"
"You are no longer allowed at Gateway. That is final."- "I didn't want to be here anyways!"

Summer before my first year in public school-

"Because Gateway is not an accredited school, you will not be able to transfer any of your credits...I'm sorry, you will be put into all freshman classes."
"Freshman English?!? I should be in English 4 this year!"
"Mommy...I think I should drop down to the year below me in Sunday School, that way, it won't be wierd when I am not graduating and they are."

I have to do work. I'll finish this in a bit.