Feeling Alone

Have you ever felt alone in this world? When you really need someone to be there...or you need things to change, but you know that if they were to change, your life would have been so different and you would not know if you would have liked the person that you might have become had your life not changed drastically. Every one of those things in my life add up to my freshman year in high school. So much happened that year...I wonder how I would have been different. What type of person would I be? What would I have done? Everything that I did do...I can't get it out of my head. Amazing how that works...isnt it? I guess I do regret some things. This entry isn't about that though. This is about the seniors at my church. The class of 2008. The graduates. The confirmation class of 2004....My confirmation class.

Tonight...the night of the senior dinner at the church...the seniors are graduating. I won't be with them. I guess I do have regrets, though I wish that I did not. I regret alot of things, things that all lead up to this night.

Calvary Episcopal School-8th grade

"If she doesnt start doing the work, she will not pass 8th grade."
"Why can't she be more like Rob?"
"Come on Carole-Marie, just do the work, it's not that difficult."
"I don't want to be Rob, I know the work isn't difficult, why won't yall just give me a break?"
"How would you feel about being homeschooled with Mrs. Elder?"
"Will anyone miss me once I leave? If I just go away one day and don't come back?"

Gateway Preparatory School-8th, 9th, 10th grade (for the first time)

"With our program you will be doing college courses by the time you are 16 years old."
"You dont get a summer. You can finish half of a grade in that time."
"Because you did not finish the lesson for today, you don't get to go to the dance tonight."
"My system is uncheatable!" - "Then how did I cheat it?"
"You are no longer allowed at Gateway. That is final."- "I didn't want to be here anyways!"

Summer before my first year in public school-

"Because Gateway is not an accredited school, you will not be able to transfer any of your credits...I'm sorry, you will be put into all freshman classes."
"Freshman English?!? I should be in English 4 this year!"
"Mommy...I think I should drop down to the year below me in Sunday School, that way, it won't be wierd when I am not graduating and they are."

I have to do work. I'll finish this in a bit.